How Steve Jobs & Apple Will Take Over the World

I've been debating for a while now whether or not to go public with this story. It's been sitting as a draft in my blog queue, but I've finally mustered up the courage to let the world know the truth despite the threats from the Men in White from Cupertino. If you NEVER see another blog post from me after this, do not be surprised. (Or pleasantly surprised, for that matter).

Last year, on my way to work, someone had left an Apple Classic SE out on the sidewalk along with all the other trash. Having been an Apple user all my adult life I picked it up in mid-stride and brought it to the office. 

Two weeks ago, I noticed the machine, untouched, underneath the production table and decided to see if it still works. Luckily I still had an old ADB keyboard, power cable, serial/ethernet adapter and mouse from my old Quadra 610 so we hooked everything up, fired up the little machine and that classic chime came out of the little speakers. But on the screen, smack in the middle of the classic OS 7 desktop, we could see a series of 8 digits that seemed to be on a second-by-second countdown. We tried to do the math but all we could come up with was that the countdown would end sometime in the next three years.

So now I was really curious about what would happen when the countdown ended. we did an experiment and set up an algorithm (I really don't know what that is) that would change the internal clock on the SE every 60 seconds. It would set the date forward one day then restart, then repeat the process over and over again. At about 4:27 pm the next day, the little mac came online to the date January 22, 2014 then, and I kid you not, all hell broke loose.

First the lights in the office dimmed, then all of sudden, the screens on the 5 macs we had in the office (networked to the SE) started flashing a strobe-like pattern that seemed to have no ill effect on most of us, though when I close my eyes even today, I can still see a smiling Steve Jobs.

Next, my iPhone 4 and Kiron's iPhone 3Gs started emitting a piercing high-pitched sound that climaxed with Chris, our art director's Blackberry and our marketing intern's Android exploding in a shower of sparks. We had to douse the intern's hip with water from a vase as he had the device on his belt when it burst into flames.

The one Sony Vaio that sits in the corner that we use for testing websites, which had a copy of iTunes on it, started flashing as well. We could see in between flashes that the Windows operating system was being taken over, pixel by pixel, by the Mac OS X. We could actually smell burning copper wire.

We had another Dell laptop on the conference table that we use as a paperweight which did NOT have iTunes on it. This machine did nothing. But before we knew it, Georgia, the design intern and Kiron, our project manager, who had been listening to their iPods when their screens started flashing, like souless zombies, plodded towards the Dell, siezed it and smashed it to the ground. Kiron was jumping on top of the debris, crushing it beneath her feet while Georgia started eating the smaller bits. We had to forcibly restrain both of them but they seemed to calm down after we had pulled away their iPod earbuds. Neither had any memory of their actions just seconds earlier.

When the smoke finally cleared, every surviving computer monitor was flashing this message in front of an omnipotent-like CGI face of Steve Jobs. It said simply this:

"All computers are equal. But some
are more equal than others."

As we scratched our heads as to the meaning of all this, I suddenly remembered the significance of the January 22, 2014 date. That's exactly 30 years since Superbowl XVIII. The day of the great 1984 Apple Commercial. I get the message now. Apple wasn't the shotputter destroying Big Brother. Apple IS Big Brother!

 

Comments

[IA]

How's that for an April Fools joke :))
Brilliant!! Hahahaa

[Ian Keldoulis]

It's ironic that these days Bill Gates spends his time circling the globe trying to cure disease and educate people, while Steve Jobs is busy building walled gardens in cyberspace. Who'd have guessed? Happy April Fool's Day.

[Lou Gasco]

AUDACIOUS!

Now lets see one about the Facebook guy. ;)

[Laura Viviana]

Ramon, you're hilarious.

[Ket Gentile]

Quite Entertaining! Thank you, Ramon.